car karma

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This recent post by Unfit Mother got me thinking about all the relative good car karma I have had since moving to my suburban kingdom. I lived in Portland for 8 years and was involved in 3 automobile accidents, 7 B&Es and one (almost) theft.

For a few years, my SE neighborhood was plagued with a series of car break-ins. The first time I got hit they took an overnight Kelty pack that contained my organic chemistry lab notebook & text. The textbook was expensive but it was the loss of the lab notebook that was dire as I would essentially fail the course: no notebook, no lab grade (for those of you who have lived and loved OCHEM, you know what I’m talking about). The nervous breakdown that ensued upon my realization that I might possibly have to repeat organic chemistry lab was enough to mobilize my poor roommates (who were barely tolerating my recent collegiate foray into the post-baccalaureate world of science prerequisites) into canvasing the neighborhood trash cans just in case the thief was on foot and dumped it. And guess what? We found it, two blocks over in a neighbor’s bin that had not been pulled back from the curb since the trash was picked up four days earlier (thank god for slackers). If ever I were to feel divine intervention it would have been at that moment.The break-ins continued until I finally just pulled the stereo completely and left a sign in the window that said “There is nothing to take. If you sleep in my car please don’t pee in it.” This was prompted by the strong smell of urine left by the last two break-ins (although I like to refer to them as “illegally entering” since the car locks had long been broken). My last break-in experience was a bit of an embarrassment. My key had broken off in the ignition so I put a sign in the window, in downtown Portland, saying “please do not tow as I am waiting for someone to get the key out of the ignition” which was basically a nice invitation that the car was open for the various homeless men who frequented the park across from the spa where I was working.

The theft is by far my most embarrassing car fiasco. I woke up one morning and walked out on the porch to have my morning coffee and realized my car was not in the usual spot. I walked around the house to make sure I hadn’t just parked on the side just in case. After lamenting the fact that I only had liability insurance I called to make a police report. The clerk who took my call told me someone would call me back but it was better to wait 24 hours as cars often show up. She sounded super bored on the phone which really irritated me as I figured I was about to once again become real familiar with the #14 bus line. About five hours later I was sitting on the couch eating some consolatory ice cream purchased the night before at the market two blocks from my house when the light came on. I put on my shoes and walked to the store and there was my car sitting by the front door which I had walked right past on my way home the night before. This proved especially embarrassing because a few weeks later one of my roommates actually did have her Toyota Camry stolen in an honest to goodness Russian auto theft ring.

Now I rarely lock my car and I surely wouldn’t forget it at a store since there aren’t any in walking distance. My biggest dilemma is trying to remember to roll the windows up in case it rains (it always rained in Portland so this was a given). Do I miss the stolen backpacks, broken locks and windows, annihilated glove boxes and pee soaked back seats? Kind of. But, maybe I just miss Portland.

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