Every time I sit down to write a post it seems that I get interrupted almost immediately. Life is good at the moment. I am thankful for the words of advice I received from several women ‘the first 6 months is hard’ because I have repeated them to myself over the past 5 when I felt that life just was harder than it should be. I hate to use the term ‘post partum depression’ because I’m not sure it fits. I think it has basically been the stress of having a 9 day old baby and a husband admitted for a possible heart attack or stroke and then being somewhat relieved it was meningitis only to find out that they aren’t sure but probably some type of autoimmune response to a virus. Just all of the uncertainty of life which I suppose is always the basic undercurrent but seemed to be just so in my face the past couple of months. So, I’ve resigned my position with the public schools and am adjusting to a new routine. I am trying to network and make some mommy friends and in the process have come to realize that there are a hella lot of other parents out there who stay home with their small children and fell pretty isolated (no duh since there are, well, entire books dedicated to this subject) so I’m not alone and I’m *normal* for how I sometimes feel. The handyman’s illness has made me acutely aware of the time wasted on wishing things were different. I saw some photos of a friend in Portland hanging with some hippie friends at a solstice party and my heart ached just a bit until I noticed the grey skies and realized that is why I left and why I can’t move back there unless it is in my cougar years and I can winter in Mexico. No place is perfect and the freakishly warm weather and balmy skies here have really lifted my typical scrooge like after Christmas persona.
So there it is. I’m happy. My girls are beautiful. The handyman is hanging in there and we are hopeful. I have another week or so before I start back to work and I have almost got Lucy’s room in order (she sleeps with us now but will transition to a futon on the floor like her sister in the next few months). I am reading a great book and actually have 3 more in queue. I had Massaman curry for dinner and have leftovers for breakfast tomorrow.
6 Comments
January 5, 2009 at 11:15 am
Yay! Yay for happiness!
January 5, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Good for you!
January 7, 2009 at 5:28 am
Bless you, you sound happy and positive as like you are well in control of things at home. My hat off to you!!! Keep us posted – any more pix of the gorgeous critters??! x
January 8, 2009 at 6:14 am
ps Curry? for Breakfast??!
January 14, 2009 at 11:13 pm
the whole isolation thing. i hear ya. i wish we lived close enough to go get a beer/some wine/even coffee. The first six months minus your personal situation with your husband’s health are hard enough. You have had a lot on you. I think the first year is hard. I hope that doesn’t bum you out but gives you hope. B/C I think being a parent in the hard times, the worst part is feeling alone and like no one else is going through what you are. they are. every day. and it gets easier and easier and having them so close is hard, but I am starting to see the huge light (they are sort of playing together at times finally) and blahhbeeteeblaah. end of post, sorry so long. best to you and your family.
January 15, 2009 at 12:28 am
I wish that too!