just bear with me

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Okay, so before the semester started I had some concerns about my 78 year old mom and 74 year old father (who is not very mobile) caring for my two children two afternoons a week while I worked.  My dad also seemed nervous and said to both me and the handyman on several different occasions “it would be really nice if we had someone to help out if something came up.”  So, I hired a babysitter to help for $10 an hour 8 hours a week.  I know this may not seem like much money to some but it actually turns into a pretty good chunk of change at the end of the month considering I am only working part-time and the state still has a freeze on the handyman’s salary increase (which a lot of our planning financially had been based on as he was working on his promotion–which he got without the pay raise because of the freeze–for 3 years).   We can swing it but of course would rather have the extra cash in our account as would anyone, right?   Anyway, she couldn’t start until this week (today) so my parents had the girls solo for the past two weeks and things have gone very, very well.  Basically, my dad likes to hold babies so if L is fussy he will rock her to sleep and hold her for two, three hours if she’ll let him.  And they seem genuinely thrilled to have this time with the girls, too.  Yesterday my mom was lamenting about my hiring Khaley (the cost, plus just having someone around all the time will make her uncomfortable as she is kind of a loner in general) which I can totally relate to/understand.  I mentioned the reason I did so was because of dad saying he really thought we needed back up and he got totally pissed at me and said “I only meant in case of an emergency like if someone dies or something” to which I explained that of course the handyman could take the afternoon off or I could get a sub if that occurred.  They both seemed kind of mad at me that I hired Khaley, somehow implying that I thought they were not competent (which is somewhat true).  I talked it over with the handyman and called Khaley this morning to see if we could adjust her hours so that she could come over here in the morning and help me and then help with naps and the transition to my mom’s house (like one of my concerns was if one of the girls was asleep over here what would I have to do, wake her up?).  This is money well spent because it will improve the quality of my life immensely and I had already planned our budget around this expense.  I would really like to spend some one on one time with T as she just turned 2 and she really seems to do a lot better with her jealousy issues and behavior if we can spend time just the two of us.  Plus, it would be great to have scheduled time where I could go to the basement or the coffee shop with my laptop and work on my online class if needed or write a test or whatever.  Or I could go work out which my body needs.  Or I could simply nurse L to sleep and relax for an hour or so.    I am pretty excited about this and although an expense like I said it will improve the quality of my life especially since my folks are doing fine and the handyman is always available if needed.   I call my mom this morning to tell her thinking she will be excited about this since she was so unhappy yesterday about Khaley coming over today.  Suddenly, they are back to ‘what will be do if something comes up’ and I finally figure out that what they want is to have someone at their beck and call in terms of convenience.  In other words, if my dad feels like working on Tuesday afternoon he would have that option with the ‘back up.’  I tried to explain that it was damn near impossible to have someone in the wings for a $10 babysitting gig (I was really lucky to find Khaley actually).  And what makes me angry is my dad works very, very part-time so there is no reason his appointments could not be scheduled for the morning on those days or in the late afternoon (4:30 or 5:00) if it was a rush emergency.

They are simply making.me.crazy.  I get that it is my responsibility to find childcare for my children if I choose to work.  Which I did by hiring a babysitter.  But then don’t get all upset about that by saying that you want to be the ones to take care of my children because you love doing so.  Just commit people either way I am cool with it.  And, I think underneath this all lies the attitude that I am just working for ‘extras’ because growing up that is what my mother’s salary provided our family.    My mom has made sort of off-handed comments about our ‘gym membership at the Y’ and our ‘expensive cable’ (both of which are totally an extravagance but they equal a whopping $100 or so total of our bills a month which of course we could eliminate if necessary).  I don’t feel like I should have to defend myself or explain that yes my salary pays for the pimping Y membership and Flight of the Conchords On Demand but it also pays for our student loans, and those pesky utility bills, car insurance or conversely it pays for the mortgage and food.

But I am keeping Khaley’s morning schedule for now.  She is looking for a job since the play studio closed (but trying to keep her options open as we are all hoping it will open back up if the owner can find another partner which is why it closed).    I need a break honestly and I need to start enjoying my life more and this will help with both of those things.  We will eat out less as I’ll be more inclined to cook on the days I work if she comes so that will save us money and I won’t feel this constant pressure that I need to be grading or answering emails as my children watch more PBS than I would like them to.  I just wish there were more alternatives in general for working women.  I think about that ginormous government bail out to the banks which has done nothing in general for the economy (and I just read an interesting article about the banks that were solvent during all of this and didn’t need a bail out so it was just fucking corporate greed after all).  But that is a rant for another day as both my children are asleep and I need to take a shower.

Here is hoping you never experience the joys of the RSV virus as well.  This has been a hard week for the babies.

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